Monday, November 3, 2008

God, Infertility, Faith, and Prayer

Wow, I think I just undertook a big post with a title like that. :)

I have been a Christian my whole life. I was raised in a Christian home, later accepted Christ and got baptized by my choice, married a Christian man, and actively work to grow as a Christian woman through reading the Bible, going to church and praying. That said, faith has never come easily for me. On a spectrum from completely right brained to completely left brained, I am about as far on the left brain analytical end as humanly possible. I want things to line up perfectly. I want logic to work everything out. I love intellectual pursuits for the purpose of a more perfect understanding of the things that interest me. No matter how much I study over the course of my life, however, I will never figure out with 100% certainty how God works, or understand the answers to many questions I have about my own faith. There is simply a lot we do not know, and for whatever reason that must have been how it was intended or we would have been given more instruction on the fine details of this world. Honestly, I really hate that! I WANT all the answers, and my analytical nature is a stumbling block to my faith. Over the course of the battle with infertility I had reason to really question things even more. It was a trying time for my faith, for sure, pushing my questioning to the farthest boundaries. I can unequivocally say that I am more solid in my faith now than ever before, thanks to the struggles I have been through. For that, I am grateful. But I certainly still have plenty of questions. Here are some of the things I have pondered especially, some of the things I have learned, and some of the things I still struggle with. There is no particular order.

Why Me?/Life is Unfair
I don't know if an infertile person has ever walked the earth who didn't at any point in the battle ask, "why me?" Rarely does someone start to try to conceive thinking, "man, I really think it is going to take years for this to happen, thousands of dollars, and many procedures". So, when it happens to you, the first thought is WHY? For Christians, this can take on even more painful implications, depending on your view of God and His sovereignty. Without getting into a deep theology here, let me just say that people have varying views on God's level of involvement in the world. There are Christians who think that God is responsible for everything that happens on earth - that even when terrible things happen, it is all part of His plan and for a reason. This is the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy. On the other end of the spectrum, there are Christians who think that God set the world in motion and still has relationship with people, but rarely intervenes; this is the "bad things happen in the world due to the presence of sin, but God didn't necessarily cause them" philosophy. Then you have everything in the middle.

If you believe that there is truly a reason for everything, the why me question looms like a mountain burden. Every time you see someone who is pregnant, you think, "why did God bless her with a baby and not me?" Or worse, when you see someone who is pregnant and really shouldn't be having kids for various reasons, you think, "what is God finding so wrong with me that even THAT person is able to have a baby?" It feels as though God is singling you out to miss out on one of life's most precious gifts. It can completely lead you to feel like a worthless person; you must be such a terrible person that God would rather have just about everyone else out there reproduce than you. Reproduction is at the core of female desire; to feel like God is actively deciding that you should not have a baby is a life-shattering feeling. Thought of purely in this view, the outcome is extreme sadness and grief. Extending it a little further, it becomes extreme anger at the unfairness. I have seen many discussion on message boards over the years about the "why me" question and it is the number one thing that leads so many women battling infertility to give up on their faith. It seems too impossible to imagine that God would not grant you something you so desperately want when there seem to be people all around you who should not have it but do.

For me personally, I have never been an "everything happens for a reason" person. I believe that God is active in the world, intervening in various ways (see below on a discussion of prayer), but I do not believe that He is guiding every thing that happens. I was born with endometriosis. I don't think God singled me out for that. It's just the nature of this existence that there is sickness and imperfection, and we all suffer in our own ways - some to a greater degree than others. Because of this view, I never thought God had singled me out for infertility. But because I believe in prayer, I thought God was actively turning away from me when I didn't get pregnant. The other view of God's sovereignty I described above leads to a sad response - why would God do this to me in the first place? This view of God's sovereignty leads to bitterness - why won't God change this, even though he didn't do it in the first place? It's sort of an interesting analysis if you think about it. You can almost always look at the emotion someone has toward God during infertility and guess what their view of God's sovereignty is. Different emotions come from different theological premises.

My bitterness completely consumed me while I was going through all the IVFs. While crying and crying over failed cycles, I just kept sobbing to B, "but why does so and so get to have a baby? and what about so and so?" etc. I was very much focused on comparing myself to others because I just couldn't believe that God wouldn't "lift me to their level" of having a baby. I was a good person. I was a Christian. I prayed. I helped others. Why wouldn't he give me a baby too?

I came away with two major insights/learnings on this issue. First, to ever think "why me" on any issue is quite arrogant. Totally natural, totally understandable, but totally arrogant. Who was I to think that I somehow HAD to be given what other people were given? God loves everyone equally, and there is no reason at all that we all need to have equal situations for Him to do so. He loves us the same no matter our situation, so he doesn't need to take any particular action to "make us more equal". The second thing is the flip side to the question: "Why NOT me?" When bad things happen, we are quick to ask, why me? But when we see the hurt and suffering in the world around us, we are not quick to ask, "why is that NOT happening to me?" It's just as unfair that people are starving and I'm not as it is that I could not have a baby and others can. We just like to be on the positive side of the equation.

God's Timing
There are plenty of Christians who don't believe in fertility treatments because they believe you should just wait on God's timing. This is a really difficult thing for people going through infertility to hear. It is usually said when the person doesn't understand the medical issues involved. Interestingly, this one comes back to one's view of God's sovereignty as well. If you believe that God directs every aspect of your life, then it would make sense to wait on God's timing for your pregnancy. I have read SO many frustrated message board posts on this topic - Christians waiting on God's timing and refusing to do any form of treatment. I respect people who make this decision because it takes an enormous amount of faith and can lead to a lot of pain in questioning God as well.

I personally didn't struggle much on this particular issue, given my view on God's sovereignty. I believe that God gave us the tools in this world to do the best we can, as long as it is in a moral and ethical way. When we have a cut that gets infected, we do something about it...we generally don't wait on God's timing for the infection to go away. We go to the doctor. When I had a laparoscopy, the doctor said that my ovaries were literally attached to the back of my uterus with my tubes wrapped around them. While I believe that God is capable of anything, and could have fixed that simply by prayer if He chose, I believe He works just as much through the capable hands of doctors to fix this kind of thing. No matter how long I would have been waiting for God's timing, it was physically impossible for me to get pregnant naturally. Again, miracles are always possible, but I believe they are the exception rather than the rule, and that we have been giving tools on earth to be proactive with. I have a cousin who died of cancer because she refused treatment, saying that she was going to wait for God to heal her. I just don't think that is what He intended.

When people mention God's timing, I give them this analogy: if I have an amputated leg, no amount of waiting longer is going to make that leg grow back. God created the laws of the universe and we live within them. Infertility is no different in that it is a medical problem and some things need to be fixed. God is capable of working miracles at any time, but it is His choice when that will happen and in the meantime we need to work with what He has given us. At the end of the day, if you really ARE scooping God's timing, God is more powerful than you and can stop anything from going forward at any time. If you went ahead of God's timing and did a treatment that He doesn't want to work yet, He is entirely capable of ensuring it doesn't work!

Trust in God

It is a standard Christian phrase to tell people "just trust in the Lord". This is one I really struggle with. When I hear people say that they are waiting to get pregnant and they trust in the Lord that they will, to be honest I'm not sure what to think. People on message boards have blinkies that say "The Lord keeps his promises". Yes, the Lord keeps his promises, but he never promised that Christians (or anyone else) will have a perfect life, that he will answer every prayer in the way you think it should be answered, or that every person will have biological children. That just isn't Biblical. When people say they trust in the Lord that they will get pregnant, it leaves me confused. I know the Bible tells us to make our desires known to God and to believe that He will answer prayers, but at the same time He doesn't guarantee that his answer to prayer is the one you want - for whatever reason. People used to tell me to trust in the Lord that everything will work out. But what does that mean? That everything will work out the way I desperately desire? That everything will work out one way or another (that's not very inspiring)? That everything will work out according to his plan, which must be perfect by definition (that only works if you have a micro-view of God's sovereignty, which I do not, as discussed above)? If you do not believe that God orchestrates everything that happens in the world, and you do not believe that God answers every prayer the way people want, what does that leave that you are trusting in? I have pondered this a lot given how frequenty it comes up. I've come to the conclusion that either 1) the person saying it does believe that everything happens according to God's plan and that whatever happens is for the best because that is how God planned it (so you theoretically are trusting in the best outcome even if it's not what you want) or 2) the person saying it isn't really thinking about what they are saying or 3) the person is saying that no matter what happens in this life, trust that God has a master plan and in eternity this will all make sense. This manifests itself in many different ways, but I now interpret it personally as number 3. Trusting in God to me means exactly that. We need to trust God for the big picture, but it isn't necessarily Biblical to "trust in God" for specific outcomes. I think that connotation is used in far too many contexts without people really thinking through the implications of it.

This macro view has actually helped me have a different outlook on the world; one more focused on eternity as a whole rather than just this life. We do not have reasons or explanations for most of the sheer "crap" that happens on earth. But the Bible tells us of a perfect eternity after this life and if you are led to believe in God and in the Bible, we can trust very specifically in that.

Healing

We go to a "mega church" as they are called now - about 12,000 people attend one of 5 services (here is our church if you are curious: http://www.marinerschurch.org/). Our church has periodic healing services. To be honest, I didn't know what to think of that when they said we would be having one. The church I grew up in didn't do anything like that, and was just sort of a "laid back" non-demoninational congregation. Quite honestly, the idea of even seeing a healing service intimidated me because I thought of the big tents that a church in my hometown used to put up every year and I always had a negative view of that. I pictured people on TV throwing the palms of their hands against someone's forehead and then that person tumbling to the ground shaking. (I don't want to judge the authenticity of that, but I'm just saying I have always been uncomfortable with the notion.)

When the first healing service Sunday came, I almost felt nauseated walking in. First, because I was uncomfortable with the idea, second, because I knew we had a legitimate reason to go forward and I didn't know what we would do. When that part of the service started, it was much less dramatic than what I expected. They just had several groups of people at the front of the church, and if you needed/wanted prayer for healing, you could join the line up and when you got to the front, you would be directed to someone to pray with you. Really, it was just a time for the church body as a whole to be invited for healing prayer. Now, don't get me wrong, I was still terrified to go forward, but as the streams of people started going down, I knew we belonged there too. B is just as reserved as I am about this kind of thing, so when I say it was a huge deal that we got up and joined the line, it was a HUGE DEAL. It was such an emotional moment that we both cried and held each other as we stood in line and waited to get to the front. I was so nervous to tell someone what was going on. We were just about to start our first IVF. I prayed the whole time in line that we would be called up to one specific pastor because he was the only person up there I was familiar with (though we hadn't met). I felt like God answered that prayer because, of all the many people at the front, when we got there, they directed us straight to him. We cried as we recounted what brought us there and he prayed with us. It was a difficult but special moment. It was the most humbling thing I have ever done in my entire life. To admit that something is so wrong, so troubling that you need someone to pray over you in the hope that God will bring healing is very, very humbling...and also very freeing.

I felt that because we had done something so significant at the service, and we were doing our first IVF, God was going to answer our prayers and give me a "healing service miracle" I would never forget. I thought that this was what God was going to use to "prove" to me He was there and that my faith in Him was correct. I'll admit, when the IVF failed, one of the first things that came to mind is that we were NOT healed at that service. I felt stupid.

A few months later, there was another service. More nausea because this time I didn't even know if it made sense for us to go up. We went before. We asked for healing. We were not healed. But then they played a video about someone who went up for multiple healing services and we decided to go again. It was less scary that time, knowing what to expect. But I also wasn't sure what to ask for at that point. I again prayed in the line, this time that we would just get someone who would truly, truly understand our situation. I just wanted someone to relate to us. When we got to the front, we were directed to a middle-aged couple. We started telling our story and why we were there and tears came to both of their eyes...they shared that they had gone through the same thing years before and had 12 year old triplets through infertility treatments. It sent chills through my body, as it does right now thinking about it, given my prayer in line. It was so comforting to know that of ALL the many people praying in the front, God wanted me to know that He was there, and He knew what we needed at that point in time.

An atheist would read this and say, "God never healed you! How can you believe?" Here is what I would say based on what I have learned. There are many ways a person can be healed. I have no idea why God did not want to heal me directly. I have no doubt in my mind that J and I were put together in this surrogacy as God's answer to our prayers. Why would He choose to heal our situation in this way and not just heal me directly? I really don't know. Perhaps being pregnant would have been life threatening to me - just as one possible reason of many. But God did heal us - he healed our hearts by answering our prayers through J. Why doesn't God heal everyone then? Why doesn't he answer all prayers? That's my last topic.

Unanswered Prayers

This is, by far, the most difficult thing for me. I know that God doesn't answer every prayer. Sometimes there are obvious reasons. If someone complains that God didn't give them a million dollars as they prayed for it, I understand why. If I pray that God help me find my misplaced camera and I never find it, I understand that maybe it's just a trivial thing that is not meant for prayer. But why God chooses to answer some prayers and not others, when all else is equal, is baffling. It's hard. It challenges me.

I still get wrapped up in reading other people's IVF journies. My heart is pained for people who are still in the midst of the battle. I know that some will ultimately be successful and others will not. I know that people on both sides of that outcome are currently praying about it. But I don't know why God will answer some and not others.

Here is what I do know about our answered prayer: I did not deserve it. I did nothing, absolutely nothing, that made me more deserving of an answered prayer than anyone else. I did not pray better, trust better, give to charity better, live better than many of those who will not have an answered prayer in this matter. Talk about the question, "why me?"...I really wonder, "why me?" in this case. I know it wasn't for my gold star faith; the night before we found out we were pregnant I wrote the most scathing and angry personal journal entry directed at God, thinking that the cycle didn't work. I certainly didn't "deserve" to get a positive test the next day through J. This I know for certain: it is only through God's grace and not through anything which I deserve that this prayer was answered. He answered my prayers in spite of me, not because of me. That may be the biggest lesson of all for my life. Prayer is not about what you deserve. You may deserve something you never receive, and you may receive something you never deserved. God chooses to answer some prayers and not others, but it is by HIS choice and His reasons are not our reasons. We simply will not know in this life the whys behind all of His answers. It will be baffling at times, devastating at times, joyful at times.

When I found out that J had gotten a positive test for the first time, it was via email at about 6:30 in the morning, in a very silent living room. But in that quiet moment I felt God's presence more than any time in my life. I literally felt surrounded by a joyful presence in the room, as if He was standing there smiling; as if he was celebrating the answered prayer with me. I almost expected to see something, the feeling was so strong. God must delight in answered prayers.

Based on this whole experience, I will never have any doubt that this pregnancy was an answered prayer. I will just never know, "why me?"

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow - that was a LONG post. LOL. Although it was long I really enjoyed reading it. It was nice to see the christians view on infertility as I have been told too "it'll happen in God's timing". Or that I was not "trusting God enough" and it really bothered me. Or you are still young, God's not ready.

I have delurked a few weeks ago, and said that my family was formed through adoption. I must admit, I did have a hard time and still wondered the "why me". Why I couldn't have my "own" children. I was angry with God. Esp. when we became foster parents and we saw the many parents who had thier children removed from thier homes due to neglect, abuse and drugs. I knew I could be a better mother then these people. That actually caused me to become even more angry at God. Why them, and not me?

Over time that has changed. I still question, why me. I don't think that will ever change. but I am no longer angry with God. I have accepted the life that he has given me with soon to be 4 adopted children. I am now able to THANK GOD for UNANSWERED PRAYERS. B/c if he had answered my prayers, I wouuld not have the three children I have, and the baby girl that we are still waiting for. (very slow system!).

God answers our prayers in one of 3ways.
Yes
No
Not now

My prayer to become a mom I beleived God had said NO. But really, today I AM a MOM. He answered my prayer. Just like you will be. May not be how WE planned it, but the truth is God did answer our prayers to become moms by giving us our children.
Thanks For Sharing!!
*Amy*

shauna said...

Hello,
I hope you don't mind but I was looking for christian people who were blogging about infertility and found your blog. I am 24 years old and have recently been through 2 iui's and now have some embryo's frozen and waiting to be transferred in December. (I was very sick after the retrieval with OHSS, so my transfer had to be put off) I also have questioned God, I grew up in a christian home, and though I'm far from perfect I try to do right. It's hard for me to see people who I deem "less deserving" having children when that's all I've ever wanted in life. I've been through despair, doubt and times of great faith. I know God is in control and I trust that his way is better. I also believe that if God gave me this strong desire to be a mother he will fulfill it, whether it's naturally or through adoption. I am so happy that God has blessed you with children, and it is encouraging to me and I'm so happy when I hear another sister in Christ has been blessed with the desire of her heart. My pastors wife gave me Proverbs 13:12 when I first found out my husband and I couldn't conceive naturally, and I cling to this verse. I'm glad you found your tree of life, and hopefully mine is just around the corner. I will be keeping up with your writing and I anticipate the day your twins are born!!!
God Bless!
Shauna

MyLifeMyWorld said...

Wow, that was really beautiful and really mirrored a lot of what I have felt, only when it came to having a special needs son. I wanted to share a few things I have learned through my own personal struggle though not necessairly fertility related and very much in relation to your emotions and your faith.

That "why me" question is common for everyone who faces a challenge or struggle in life. And it's so true when we hear about others and their challenges we never question ourselves as to "why not me, why her?" sort of thing. But when we're in the moment of our own pain, it's hard not to question what you did wrong, and why he chose you to struggle in this particular area.

I believe that he doesn't "choose" for you to struggle, when Adam bit the apple a long time ago it gave us freedoms, with that also came the negative stuff too. The difference is, God doesn't say "I'm going to inflict this on you" but rather, "I will walk with you through it". Trust in him. He doesn't build the mountains we have to climb, instead if you let him, he will help you climb them, give you the strenght, the guidance, the faith to continue going and the resiliance to withstand whatever obsticles are in the way from the bottom to the top. He will take you to the top, but you have to trust in him, be willing to go the long way around if necessary, to crawl, jump, bend and so forth, not always is it a straight walk, but it will be one worth taking when you finally do reach the goal and can look down and enjoy the view.

I believe that God does have timing, and that his timing is not always your timing, sometimes one might not understand that in the moment of the struggle but he does have his timing for everything. Your goal is to be a mother, through surrogacy God breathed life in your surrogate so you can be a mother. God breathed that life, not science, science assisted.

Your right about "trust in God" because God is not about giving you everything you want, or meeting every dream, but walking your through your life and supporting you through your life (if you let him) to the end when you meet him in heaven. I never asked to be a mom of a special needs kid, I never asked to have a "different" sort of life than others, but that's what I got and now I need to seek the help in him to give me the strenght and guidance I need to be able to take this journey in life and trust that there is a bigger picture out there for me.

When you talk about healing, healing in my faith is not about getting what you want or having your prayers anwsered but rather about having the strength to survive the struggle and be able to move past it and continue to go on. Healing is about finding peace, and not living with bitterness and resentment, it's about acceptance, and often times when you can let go of the negative and focus on the positive your dreams do come true, in and of itself.

Lastly, unanwsered prayers, one thing I learned when talking with my minister about "unanwsered prayers" is that there is no unanwsered prayers. Sometimes the anwser is just a plain and simple "no". Sometimes the anwser is "after you go through this", or "after you've tried this" or "after you've found this". Parents often say to kids, you can have your dessert (the big prize) after you finished your dinner. We learn that from God himself, I believe. That sometimes we have to go through the crap shoot to get our prayers anwsered. It's not that God doesn't want to anwser our prayers, it's just that maybe he doesn't think you've learned a specific lesson he's desired for you, or maybe he wants you to appreciate a whole other thing before getting it.

In my case, I didn't not get anwsered prayers for a perfect baby with my middle child, but rather, to be a good mom to a child who needs a good mom. My prayers were anwsered, just not directly. There is a plan, he did not cause my son to be special needs, but he is there to walk me through it and give me the strength to be his mother.

In your case and in the case with infertility your prayers to be a mother are coming true. He did not cause infertility but for one reason or another he decided that he wasn't going to "fix it". Instead he wanted to show you how beautiful it was to go through surrogacy, to meet another person, to share this with someone else. He wanted to inspire you to really appreciate and love being a mother when your time comes unlike so many mothers out there who take so much for granted.

Basically he said "no" to you being pregnant because he wanted to anwser your prayers His own way, a way He believes will make the biggest impact for you.

We all go through struggles in life, some are big some are small, what's most important is that you ask Him to follow you, lift you up when you fall and hold your hand when you need it. He will always be there for you, no matter how high that mountain is, you just have to put faith in that.

I loved your post, it has inspired me to write one about my own personal thoughts as a surrogate and religion on my own post. Thank you so much for sharing it, you have brought up such awesome insight!

Sarah Andrews said...

Oh N. I just love your blog. It's like food for my soul. Speak on sister.

Tara said...

Great job on this post, N. I'm still processing it and really appreciate everything you wrote. I hope that it brings encouragement to many people who happen upon your blog.

I also really like what SharingADream said:

Basically he said "no" to you being pregnant because he wanted to answer your prayers His own way, a way He believes will make the biggest impact for you.

KH99 said...

N, that was an excellent post. I am not very religious, but I really appreciated your thoughtful comments and insights, and I found myself nodding my head more than once as I read. There's a lot I can take from what you wrote and hopefully incorporate it into my own thinking. Beautiful post and thank you.

Sanda said...

So very well said. I thought about many of those same questions myself and it's really nice to see someone else's thought process on how/why everything takes shape the way it does. My husband and I feel so incredibly lucky, blessed, however you want to describe it, not that I was given a bum uterus and can't carry a pregnancy, but because we have our surrogate and her family in our life and that we are not only on our way to having the children we have wanted so much, but that we also got 5 more people in our lives in the process who we care for so much. It also has brought us even that much closer to our families and our family members to each other because everyone has bonded further over "cheering on the team" so to speak to get these babies here safely.
Long post, yes :) But a great one!

N said...

Thanks so much everyone for the comments. This post was near and dear to my heart for obvious reasons, so I loved to read these comments especially.

Amy - My husband and I volunteered for a year to lead a Christian program in foster group homes. It was very hard to see what people do to their children and yet know I can't get pregnant and bring a child into a loving home. I understand what you are saying completely. It does add to more anger. But like I said in my post, I came out on the side of the spectrum that God doesn't direct everything to happen as it does, so I don't feel like you can take it "personally" so to speak. (That sounds like a funny phrase with respect to God, but I believe it is so true!) I love what you said about thanking God for unanswered prayers. I should have mentioned in the post that I don't believe God would answer a prayer that would be harmful to you (for whatever reason)...so it's a very good reason to thank him for whatever he doesn't answer too. Congratulations on your wonderful family of 4. God has blessed you in an amazing way!

Hi Shauna, Thanks for stopping by! I'm sorry that you are in the midst of the "battle" with IF. I hope that my story can somehow encourage you that there are many, many possible outcomes to IF and all are a blessing in one way or another. You just don't know which one yours will be yet! Please come back and let me know how the December transfer goes, OK?

SharingaDream, Thanks so much for sharing your insights. I can see how similar the struggling process might be from the perspective of having a special needs child - just as you pointed out, "why me" is the universal response to something surprising that happens to us. I loved what you said in the third paragraph; those are my feelings exactly. God didn't inflict anything upon us, but we as collective humans inflicted struggle upon ourselves. (Although the one thing I have wondered about on this issue is if God occasionally inflicts things, since the Bible explicitly tells us that God "hardened" some people's hearts for his purposes...never quite sure what to make of that...thoughts?)

I really loved what you said about healing and unanswered prayers too. I would love to read your own post about all of this, so I hope you will do it! Thanks so much for sharing these insights.

Oh, and I totally believe what you said: "He wanted to inspire you to really appreciate and love being a mother when your time comes unlike so many mothers out there who take so much for granted." I have never had much of a maternal instinct, and I think I would have taken babies for granted because of it. This process has ENSURED they will never be taken for granted. :)

journey, tara, elizabeth and intending - thanks for your comments, and I'm glad you enjoyed my (longest) post (ever). :)

MyLifeMyWorld said...

I have finally gotton around to posting about this topic (well actually 2 posts) and to try to anwser your question. I hope it helps. I LOVED reading about your thoughts too, we are very much on the same wave lenght when it comes to our faiths.

Keep on posting, I love following your blog! Thanks so much

Unknown said...

You did a great job of laying out what you believe. It's really encouraging to me to see that you have come to terms with/grappled with some of these BIG questions.

The way I see the whole God's timing issue is like this: So long as we are acting within the boundaries he set for us in the Bible (as in we are making ethical decisions and consulting God in prayer), then I think we we as humans are capable of making decisions about when to do what. God doesn't necessarily care about EVERY decision we make; He only cares that we are making prayerful decisions and that we are behaving ethically.

As for the question of why me, or why do bad things happen to good people, I have always felt that there really aren't any "good" people. We all do bad things, all of us are born with the desire to do wrong things. Therefore, none of us is good. If that's the case, then none of us really deserve good in return. So, my question is "why not me?" and I say that in a different sense than how you wrote it. I mean, when good things happen we should be pleasantly surprised and GRATEFUL because we don't deserve anything good and anything bad that happens to us is a result of sin (the sin of all humans, and the fall, no individual sin). Good things that happen are an act of God's grace, and are undeserved.

I don't mean to say that someone has fertility issues because of personal sin in their lives. All I am saying is that the world is a fallen, sinful world, and that sin has led to pain and suffering in this world.

Whenever I address these issues, I always try to keep in mind what my response should be to the suffering of others. I never want to be the person who says, "Well, we are all sinful and so whatever bad things happen we deserve it" and let it be that. I hope my response will always be "how can I ease their suffering?". That's how I approached the idea of offering to be your surrogate, and I hope that's how I can approach suffering in the lives of others I know as well.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! What a great post!