Feeling Better Today

Thanks for the comments and emails - I do feel better today. :) Aside from the kind words, two things happened that made me feel better.

First, I was reminded of our pastor's sermon this Sunday, where he emphasized the beliefs-attitudes-behavior chain. If you are not familiar with it, it's something you learn in psychology and marketing classes. Behavior is driven by attitudes, which are driven by beliefs. There is no point in just changing behavior or attitudes, because everything comes from beliefs. I was lying in bed this morning thinking about what that chain looked like for me in the last day. I identified:

Belief - The delivery is probably not going to be exactly how I wish it could be.
Attitude - This really sucks and there will be a black mark forever on what should be the most wonderful possible day.
Behavior - Me sulking and being mentally exhausted stressing about delivery.

While the belief is true in this case, I realized I need to focus on a more positive (and still true) belief that will lead to different behavior:

New Belief - No matter what happens logistically on the delivery day, having two beautiful babies is going to be the most amazing day ever.
New Attitude - Excitement!
Behavior - A new spring in my step this afternoon. :)

I know, I know, I'm overly analytical. But this is the kind of thing that helps me. I have to disect, analyze, and respond. I'm all about frameworks.

So the second thing that happened was kind of weird. I had been taping the show "Bringing Home Baby" (where they track a couple with their newborn in the first 36 hours). I watched several of them but was starting to get tired of it bringing on more feelings of worry or stress, so I canceled the series recording earlier this week. I went to take a break and watch some TV this afternoon (yes, this is rare) and was annoyed to see that my DVR had recorded the show again. As I was about to erase it I noted the title on the one it strangely taped: "A woman's sister is her surrogate." Creepy, huh? I felt compelled to watch right then because of the weirdness. It was amazing. The couple even had twins! I was so gleeful to see this show in a "version" that was mine! They talked some in the episode about using her sister as a surrogate, but once the babies came home the show was pretty much the same as all the others. I started to wonder why they weren't talking more about the surrogacy aspect and then I realized that was exactly the point - once those babies came home, there was no difference in their experience compared to others'. They were "normal parents". And that just emphasized that everything is going to be OK regardless of the delivery logistics.