The legacy of my grandparents

Today is my grandpa's birthday; he would have been 86 years old. Grandpa passed away 6 years ago, though it feels like much longer because I miss him so much. I was extremely close to both of my grandparents and miss them dearly. There is a profound sense of loss in my heart to not have them here anymore, especially because they will never meet Nathan and Kenna. Somehow, after 6 years without grandpa and 1 year without grandma, I haven't gotten to that point of being able to remember them with joy and not sadness. I can't think of them without crying. But, as I think about grandpa today, I realize more than ever that he would not have wanted me to feel this way. He and grandma made such an enormous impact on my life, that to only find tears with their memory is almost a discredit to the joyful relationship we had. I can almost hear grandpa telling me, "Baby, you knew we couldn't be here forever! You just focus on enjoying these babies and keep going with your life." Grandma would have said the same. They always called me "baby" and I always felt like an infant protected by their never ending love.

In honor of grandpa's birthday, I want to take the time to list some ways that he and grandma will have impacted Nathan and Kenna's lives, through their impact on me. Grandpa and grandma may not be here physically anymore, but their memory and legacy will live on even through two little people they will never have met.

• We will raise Nathan and Kenna to love and embrace the outdoors. Hiking, camping, backpacking and snowboarding have been a special part of our marriage, and I credit that directly to my grandparents. They took me on many RV trips to lakes, mountains and rivers and gave me so many opportunities to enjoy the outdoors. I have to say most women don't love these things, and I feel lucky that my grandparents gave me this joy. B liked the outdoors but didn't have a super outdoorsy family so when we got together it became a special part of us. Here is my all time favorite picture of me and grandpa. It just summarizes my memories so well. Grandpa was concentrating on getting the fish to bite (hence the stern look) and I was just thrilled to be on the boat. I have that fishing pole still and it is my most prized possession from grandpa:

• We will raise Nathan and Kenna to have a strong appreciation for hard work. Both of my grandparents grew up extremely poor and worked very hard their whole lives. Grandma worked multiple jobs while grandpa worked very long days as a machinest. There were times that even food was scarce. Times were so much more difficult then. My grandpa once said that rich people either inherited it or stole it. I don't agree with that, but I understand where he was coming from; he had worked so hard his whole life and never had the chance to make more than enough to sustain his family given the circumstances. When grandpa and grandma would tell certain stories of their lives and childhoods, even grandpa would get a little teary eyed (that is saying a lot, he was a very strong man). I will never let our kids grow up without an understanding of hard work and that they must earn their way in life. Here is a picture of my grandma as a baby (she is the one being held). She literally grew up in a log cabin and this is the only picture of her before she was a teenager. There was a wealthy man who came through rural Missouri that day and offered to take pictures of the people who had no means. What an amazing gift he gave to our family. I wish I knew who it was. Isn't this picture incredible? (1925)

• Grandpa and grandma exuded generosity, despite not having a lot of means. No matter how much they had or didn't have, they would open their home to anyone. They helped me many times. They bought me my first car. They knew that I was working hard at my first job but that I could never have saved enough to buy transportation, so one day grandpa pulled up with a car they had found for me. When I was taking violin lessons, grandpa and grandma bought me a violin to use as long as I was still practicing on the right schedule. When I would come home from college (a 7 hour drive), grandpa would tuck a $20 bill into my pocket on my way out to help with gas money. Grandpa and grandma tought me the value of generosity and that it isn't about monetary value, it is about the heart. This is an important value that I want to pass to our children.


• Grandpa and grandma loved animals. B and I both love animals too. I want to pass down that appreciation to our children. My grandparents did a lot of farming and raised lots of animals. Here is another favorite picture of grandpa from their farm in Kansas. Doesn't it look like a picture from a 1950s calendar?

• Grandpa was practical, smart, and quick witted. Grandma was a woman of tremendous faith, strength and compassion. These are all traits I wish for our children.


• Grandma taught me how to make homemade noodles and they have been my favorite since I was a child. I can't wait to pass this on to Kenna!

There aren't enough hours in the day to recount all of the values and experiences that my grandparents gave me which I hope to pass on to our children. Their legacy is a rich one. Since it is grandpa's birthday, I will end with a story showing one special trait of his - a complete selflessness. In grandpa's last 3-4 years, he was quite ill. He had lung troubles and heart troubles. He was in and out of the hospital. It was very scary and every time the phone rang I was afraid of the worst during that time. But toward the end it became especially apparent that he did not have much longer to live. We drove out to Arizona to see him. My mom warned me he was in bad shape, but I will never forget my shock in walking into his bedroom and seeing him in a hospital bed they had rented, unable to sit up. He may have been weak in the past but nothing like that. I knew I had to be strong for grandpa and fought the tears as I walked over to him with a forced joyful "hi grandpa!" He looked so feable and I knew he didn't have much time left. Later that day I was in the room sitting next to grandpa's bed, holding his hand as we talked. I think we both knew it would be one of the last times. Though I managed to fight the tears back, I'm sure he knew how much I was hurting, but he didn't want me to hurt for him. He didn't want anyone to hurt for him. I will never forget what he said at the end of that conversation: "One of these days soon you and I are going to have to go fishing. We'll go up to the lake and take some poles and..." He and I both knew that we would never go fishing again. But he didn't want me to be sad and think that whole time that this was the end. He wanted for me to believe he was going to be OK so it wouldn't hurt so much. He didn't want me to worry about him, he just wanted me to think about fishing as we had done so many times before.

Happy birthday grandpa. You and I didn't get to go fishing again, but I know that when B and I take our children fishing, you will be right there with us.