Due to a couple of blog comments from people whom I don't know re: my adoption posts, I have decided to take them down. When I started this blog, I decided to keep it publicly available so that anyone interested in surrogacy could find it. However, this also means that posts get picked up by search engines, etc., and people can arrive at your blog for very random reasons (other than following your story). My fear is that a lot of people searching on adoption will end up here over time and I will have to explain my adoption feelings 5000 times to upset birth moms who think I don't understand. (Yes, I could just ignore the comments theoretically but that's almost impossible when you disagree fervently with someone.) It was a bit difficult to understand where these two very upset people were coming from until I googled the profile name of one (the other posted as anonymous, of course). This person (who is a birth mom) apparently has some very strong negative feelings about surrogacy. Some comments I found from her online:
"Paid surrogacy is immoral"
"Those from the US (and similarly in western Europe) utilizing these services are turning their back on more than a hundred thousand children in foster care in order to create a child "of their own."
Where do you even start with educating a person on issues like this? While it is tempting, I will not engage in debate here. I found the blog of this person and she is a very angry anti-adoptionist who believes she has "lost her child due to to the multi-billion dollar adoption industry". That pretty much explains it.
This is a joyful place for me to celebrate our babies, to talk about our surrogacy, and occasionally some things off topic. I do not desire to engage in debates. But it sure does make me want to write a book...:)
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8 comments:
I am also an intended mom. I LOVE reading your blog. Everything you have written I have felt or experienced at one point or another. I just wanted to thank you for writing about your experiences and helping me get through mine.
You Rock!
Tracy
I disagreed with your post about adoption. However, it's your blog and you should have the right to write what you want to write about without being attacked.
I'm sorry you took your posts down but I understand why. What I don't understand is why others have to (anonymously) leave those kind of comments. There is education, on the one hand, but that can go too far. After all, it's your blog and as far as I'm concerned, you can write whatever you want. No one needs to read it, if they disagree with your opinion or perspective.
They could simply have offered their own personal experience, rather than tell you why your perspective is off base.
Okay,enough out of me : )
I didn't see the negative comments, but I think you are right to take the posts down. This blog is a place for you to tell your story and receive encouragement and support, not debate topics like adoption vs. surrogacy. Unfortunately sometimes people feel so strongly they feel they "must" comment on things which they do not really know much about.
While I agree whole-heartedly with what you've posted re: the adoption process, I'm glad you've decided to not "invite" annoying and negative comments to your blog - because you have much more important things to occupy your time! :)
Wow - that's a tough one. I totally understand deleting the posts. Your blog does not need to be a place of contraversy. It's a place to celebrate you and your journey to your babies. Free speech is interesting isn't it?
Thanks everyone for your support. It was eye-opening to realize that more people than you know can make it to your blog. I don't think I would post a comment on someone's blog disagreeing with whatever they wanted to talk about (unless that was the nature of their blog), but if I did I wouldn't attack them as some of you mentioned.
I've actually thought a lot about the comments of the birth mom and rather than be angry over this whole thing, I feel more compassion to her. She must be a very wounded soul to lash out in the way that she did. I need to pray for her rather than be upset at her. I write my blog knowing that most who are reading it are either friends/family or others in the infertility/surrogacy world. My post, as such, was written to address the perspective of those on "this side of the fence". It is a perspective that is rarely discussed in the adoption world and that is why I wanted to write about it (and I was just downright upset for my friend). It didn't even occur to me that someone from the "birth mom side" would make her way to this blog. As my husband said yesterday about this, you can't reason with emotion. My views on the topic remain 100% unchanged, but there is no good to come out of arguing with someone over how they feel when they are coming from such a different perspective.
And now back to the regularly scheduled surrogacy...:)
Not only can you not reason with emotion, you can't have a substantive discussion with someone who resorts to name calling just because they don't agree with you. I saw the comments and while I feel for the birth mom who lashed out at my wife, I stopped reading it when she called my wife a "vulture" for merely expressing her opinion about some of the problems with the way adoptions are handled in America. N. . . you'll probably delete my comment because you're nicer than me, but it needed to be said. I happen to feel very strongly that if a birth mom accepts thousands of dollars from adoptive parents, but then decides not to follow through with the adoption at the last minute, she needs to give the money back. The agency may call it a "gift", but it's a gift made with a very reasonable expectation that an adoption is going to occur. A birth mom who takes the money and runs is stealing. Does that make her a vulture? No. At worst, she's a thief. At best, she's confused, scared, and highly emotional. But I wouldn't call her a vulture. Yet N was called this just for stating her opinion on the issue. How can you take someone who says things like this seriously?
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