At the beginning of our surrogacy, J kindly offered to pump breast milk for the babies. I just couldn't imagine having her do that after all else she is doing for us, so we said we would stick with formula. Recently, J was saying that she would like to donate breast milk since we wouldn't be using it (if you're not aware, there are actually breast milk "banks" and sometimes people just arrange privately too). When I realized that she actually WANTED to pump and give the milk even if we weren't going to use it I said, "we'll take it!" :)
So the last couple of weeks we have been exchanging a flurry of emails about how to make it all work logistically. We are going to give it a try for 4 weeks to start and see how it works out. If it is going well on both ends then we will give it a try for another few weeks, etc. It will be more complicated logistically than only using formula, but since J is willing to do it and since I know breast milk IS best, I decided we should go for it. I'm sure it won't seem too complicated once we start doing it and getting used to it. Basically, we are going to keep as much fresh milk as possible so B will pick it up from J's house twice per week (she only lives about 15 minutes away) to avoid freezing as much as we can (frozen milk is still better than formula, but it loses some of the good benefits). Since we don't know how much J will be producing, we can't exactly plan at this point for what percent will be breast milk vs. formula. We'll just have to play it by ear and basically split however much breast milk we have between babies and feedings and then mix in formula to make the feeding requirements. I'm not very good with ambiguity but it seems everything about babies is a bit ambigous so I'm hanging up the control towel for a while!
I'm actually excited that the babies will have the opportunity for breast milk. I don't think that breast milk is a make it or break it issue, but it's awesome that J has given us this choice. I never felt bad about only formula feeding given our situation, but I do feel good about giving breast milk now, if that makes sense!
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Hello there - I found your blog a few days ago and just read your whole blog, plus the the whole blog of J. You have such an amazing friendship that has come through the journey of surrgecy. It's amazing to see how much of a role God played in everything to make this happen. I've stuggled with infertility for 5 years now. It's a painfull thing to go through. For me personally when we couldn't concieve we turned to fostering in which we have fostered 15 kids. Of those 15 we have fully adopted one (son age 4), in the process of adopting 3 year old twin boys that have been with us for 1.5 years, plus we found out 2 weeks ago that we will be adopting the twins baby sister (who is 4 months old) and the wait is killing me until she is here with us. So that we'll be able to experience the baby stage. As my other 3 kids came to us when they were older. So I love reading about other ways that familes are comming to be. And for some reason I am fixated on surrgency and reading about it on thier blogs. I really enjoyed reading and plan on reading as long as you are writing.
*Amy*
I noticed on the wall you put the name Kenna. Are you still just trying it out, or is it set? I think Kenna sounds beauitful.
When my mom was pregnant they had agreed if I was born with blond hair/blue eyes then my name would be Amy. If I was dark hair/eyes then I would be Tara. I was born with dark hair and my mom took one look at me and said "no - she is an Amy". Even though they were set in thier ways that my name would be based on what I looked like. Now, 27 years later as I am about to welcome my daughter, and we are changing her name to Terra. I never really liked the name, and was glad my mom went with Amy. And here I am, the name just seems to fit, and it's like it's a part of me and what my name should have been. :)
*Amy*
I just wanted to add that our other wonderful Bible Study friend "S" is generously loaning us the engine to her pump, so all we have to purchase is the tubing and horns for the pump. It's a Pump In Style Advance, which is ideal for pumping for twins or pumping full time. This endeavor will truly be a group effort! :)
That is wonderful. :) You'll have the logistics worked out in no time. We did it for 5 months (which fed Charlie until he was almost 8 months so obviously we had to freeze and thaw) and we lived 2 hours away from our surrogate! It was a huge commitment on our surrogate's part and we're so grateful. Every little bit helps. :)
Hi Amy! Thanks so much for your comment and for following along. That is so wonderful that you have been able to foster 15 children and adopt 3...with one on the way! Such a great story. How soon do you expect the baby to come home to you? Congratulations!
And yes, we settled on Kenna! It all feels like it was meant to be now. :) What a neat story about naming your daughter Terra. It's amazing how these things all work out.
Thanks again for commenting, and I wish you the best with Terra's adoption!
J - Absolutely! Thanks for adding that! I was actually thinking about that as I was writing the post and somehow I missed it before I finished. :)
Tara - That's so great! I sent you an email - I'm curious if you have any tips/advice on making it all work logistically. :)
As I think you know, my sis has also been pumping for us (I'm breastfeeding after inducing lactation but only have enough for about 70% of her needs), and most is in the form of frozen milk.
Essentially I know a bag of frozen milk (about 10 oz) will last for a day and a bit (she gets about 6-8 oz of supplemented breastmilk per day), so I put two frozen bags in the fridge to thaw overnight, and use those for the next 48 hours. I also often thaw the bags when I need to by putting them in warm water in a large measuring cup. This is a faster way to thaw the milk.
You just have be gentle with the milk, if that makes sense, by swirling instead of shaking the bags to mix the fat back in (it separates after it's been sitting or is frozen.)
I was stressed about making it work too but I got the hang of it in no time. One other thing to note is that frozen/thawed breastmilk has a distinctive odour - don't know how to describe it but it doesn't smell great. A doesn't seem to care however!
Email me if you have any other questions. I think it's GREAT the twins will get some breastmilk. My doctor said the first 4 months is the most important time to get breastmilk.
Its awesome that you get the BM!!
As you probably know, we are able to feed Tayleigh mostly BM thanks to the most generous donation from K and J (we love those guys!). It has made a world of difference since we started it from the formula only we used in the first few weeks of Tayleighs life!
Mark
Such a fantastic gift!!
I really like how you are doing a try and see approach. You guys sound like a great team. I agree with the PP's - you will get the logistics nailed down in no time!
It's amazing the logistical coordination that surrogacy involves LOL. F has offered to pump for us too. She did for her last surro baby as well, and we are thinking about it. Oh, congrats on legally being parents!
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