First, I just want to say, thanks to those of you who have commented on various posts! It's cool to know that there are people out there who have found this and have been reading!
So last night J and I went to a pre-term labor class through her insurance. The peri recommended it since we're having twins and that is a risk factor. It was an "interesting" experience for several reasons:
1) At the beginning of the class the nurse giving the lecture asked, "who is the one here having twins?" and J raised her hand. She walked over and handed us (us only) a packet called "caring for your premature baby". I guess that even though we are at the pre term labor class, they just assume we'll be caring for a premature baby given that it's twins?! It made me a bit worried, to be honest.
2) We were the only girl/girl pair there - everyone else was husband and wife. It was kind of funny to see people looking at us oddly. I don't know if they thought we were a couple, but J and I were talking about getting t-shirts for future use that identify her as a surrogate and me as the "intended mother". LOL (On a side note, I started thinking about that term the other day, which is standard for the person in my position in the surrogacy. I realized that the word "intended" seems to stem from all the problems there have been with traditional surrogacies, where the surrogate is using her own egg, gets attached to the baby and doesn't want to give the baby to the "intended parents". Intended just seems so unsure, and that's not how our situation is at all! I am looking forward to having the simple label of "mother" rather than "intended mother" :) )
3) They passed around a teddy bear that was the exact size of a premature 5 month old baby. It had a tee shirt that said "premature" with a big red X through it. It felt like a "don't do drugs" or "don't smoke" talk at that point, like premature labor is completely preventable and you don't want a baby the size of that bear. I understand that they just wanted everyone to be hypervigilent about calling if they had any signs of it because many times it IS preventable but I know of a lot of people (from my online world of message boards) that have had unpreventable preterm labor and lost babies...certainly not due to any fault of their own.
4) Overall, I came away really concerned that J will have to go on some kind of crazy bedrest at some point during this due to it being twins. I know how awful that would be for her and her family. They told us about a woman who was on bedrest for 8 weeks with her feet in the air at the hospital. OMG that would be horrible!! It's a big enough deal to be pregnant for someone else, much less be in the hospital for two months! I have to hope that that is exceedingly rare and I will be fervently praying that nothing like this will happen. I don't know how we could ever make up to J for an 8 week hospital stay other than giving her our proverbial first born...but oh wait, then we are back to square one. LOL :)
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3 comments:
I usually use the terms "genetic parents" when people ask about it. Frankly, no one except for those of us message board junkies understand terms like intended mother or gestational carrier!
As for bedrest, try not to worry too much, hopefully we will have a fairly uncomplicated pregnancy/delivery. :)
DON'T WORRY!
My surrogate twins were born full term, at 6 & 7 lbs. (For the record, I'm only 5 foot tall.)
Weird that they are trying to scare you like that! I was induced at 38w2d with the twins (u/s showed they were 7 & 8 lbs...a little off, but ok). I never suffered a single day on bedrest.
I actually had surrogate and intended mother t-shirts professionally designed for my website. They are fun, like "Baby Mama" and "I'm Just the Oven". Came out really cute.
And trying to make you think you can prevent preterm labor, that's a joke. Unless they think you are avid rollercoaster enthusiasts?
I had twins almost 2 years ago, and although they were born premature at 34w5d, they are both strong and healthy today. The twins were in the NICU for 11 days, and my son was 4lbs 14oz and my daughter was 5lbs 15oz. I think that the hospitals are fully equipped to deal with preemie babies and that you have to trust your doctor to take care of whatever situation may arise. As a mom carrying twins, I was put on "partial bedrest" at about 32 weeks. I was not supposed to drive far distances alone or lift anything heavier than 10 pounds. My doctor suggested I rest as much as possible, but I was still able to play with my nieces and help take care of them and they were 2 and 3 years old at the time. I am so happy for you, and glad that J was able to introduce us through blogs. I wish you all the best of luck! :) God bless!!
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