I can't think of a worse few months in my life than about two years ago when we started IVF, had subsequent failures, started to lose all hope and simultaneously received pregnancy announcement after announcement after announcement at the same time from friends. It was like rubbing salt in wounds. I'm just being honest - it's nearly impossible to be happy about baby announcements when you feel like you will never realize your own dreams of having a baby. And for whatever reason, quite literally everyone we know had a baby that summer. It got to the point that it felt like the universe was against me because EVERY time we talked to someone we hadn't seen in a while, they told us they were pregnant. I even started avoiding talking to anyone I hadn't talked to in a long time because there was no doubt in my mind that they would be pregnant.
When all your friends get pregnant and you can't, it adds to the severe frustration of "WHY is this happening to us?" But I'm convinced that the second most difficult aspect of it (after the constant reminder you can't have something everyone else can) is that you feel left behind. You feel that you are missing out on the opportunity for camaraderie that comes from bonding over one of the most amazing times in life. My friends were all exchanging pictures, having play dates, celebrating at baby showers and getting together to talk about their new lives...I was giving myself shots every day and driving to medical procedures. As much as I wanted a baby, I also wanted to have a baby when our friends did, to take part in the exciting life transitions. I felt robbed.
The exception to the 'all people we know had a baby in the summer of 2006' rule was one of our best friends. He had just started dating a girl that summer whom we loved right away and they later married. They really were on the "last frontier" in terms of close friends without kids and it has been so awesome to share so many fun times with them while everyone else moved on to "familyhood". I am so grateful for that! After we got "pregnant", I started thinking about how much I wished they would be having kids too, so we could all experience it together.
Well, I'm gleeful to say...we found out yesterday that they are pregnant and due just 2 months after us! I'm so very excited for them AND for us. LOL
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5 comments:
That is some happy stuff - you should be gleeful! We have a similar story. We were the first ones to get married out of many of our friends and since that time, all but one of our friends who were married after us now have a baby (and those who don't were married less than a year ago, just bought a house, and I'm sure that news will be right around the corner). We too feel left behind. So I know how great that must be to have someone to share that with!! Congrats to your friends and congrats to you guys!! :)
intending - same thing here! We were the first to get married of everyone, then decided to wait several years before even trying, but right around that time is when everyone else got married and they pretty much decided to have babies right away. It's really hard - hang in there. I hope it is your turn in about 9 months from now. :)
Isn't it weird to WANT people to get pg now? Our best friends are ttc now and I have never wanted a couple to be fertile before in my life. :)
gabby - yes, it's SUCH a huge change I can't even believe it. :)
yeah! i am glad our children will have opportunities to be close with each other (and us)
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