Weeks 9 and 10 - Renewed Energy

I'm happy to report that here, at the end of week 10, I am feeling much better about things. My parents came to visit for the last week from out of state and it was the first time they got to meet the babies. It was also the first time I had a prolonged break, as my parents fully took over for seven days. OMG, what a difference that made.

I realize now that things were feeling harder and harder for me and I was at a point that I was desperately overwhelmed and exasperated. I had no patience left and was so bogged down in the day to day of baby care that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I was *trying* to enjoy this fleeting time, but I wasn't having much success raising my head above water day to day. I'm so grateful for all the comments on my last post. They helped me remember that this happens to a lot of people and that I'm not alone, no matter how overwhelming it all seems.

Having a break this week was soooooo amazing. I was, of course, still in the house, so I was still "with" the babies, but I only fed them once a day and my parents did all the other feedings and naps. I would come downstairs periodically from getting things done and just pop by to admire my precious little babies. Oooohhh how adorable they were when someone else was managing all the details! I noted Nathan's sweet baby smell, the strength of his little grasp, his impressive concentration, his precious little cheeks. I noted Kenna's beautiful eyes, her amazing little grin, her petite features, her dainty mannerisms. Each time I came by to see them I was taken by their beauty, by the miracle that they are here with us. I just wanted to hold them, love them, cherish them. It's not that I wasn't in love with them before, it's just that I didn't have time to think about it. My parents left yesterday and I have a renewed energy that I hope will last for a while. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to regain the bigger perspective for a bit.

I've also been thinking about what an amazing gift J gave us. When someone can be credited for bringing lives into the world that otherwise would not have existed, they can truly be credited with changing the world. It's not just about our lives - if Nathan and Kenna are blessed to live full, healthy lives, they will have the opportunity to change other people's lives themselves, have children of their own, and change the world in their own way. It's a perpetual gift. I'm blown away by the magnitude of what J and other surrogates do to change people's lives. It is so grand a gift that honestly, sometimes it feels like a burden; I feel indebted in an insurmountable way. I wish more than anything there was something that would be an adequate way of saying thank you, or a gift in kind. There is nothing like that. I am reminded of that fact all the time. Standing "back" and looking at Nathan and Kenna from a slight distance this week, I'm just struck by how J changed our lives in ways that can never, ever be repaid. We have absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing, gifts from God...and J...in our lives.

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As far as baby news, here's what has been going on:

--I have stashed all the newborn size clothes and both babies are wearing 3 months!

--About a week ago the babies had their 2 month checkup and vaccinations. Nathan weighed 11 lbs 5 oz and Kenna weighed 10 lbs 3 oz! They are both almost exactly at the 50th percentile for height and weight (for full term babies at this point)! Kenna's head is in the 30th percentile - she has a very petite and dainty face. :) Neither baby had any reaction at all to the vaccines (other than screaming during the actual shots).

--Kenna's time finally came to start smiling regularly. This week, coinciding with grandma and grandpa's first visit, brought smile after smile. Both she and Nathan loved my parents. Nathan was just one big smile all week. Kenna still doesn't smile as much as Nathan, but this was really her first week of consistent smiles and it was so sweet. Both babies usually greet me with a smile first thing in the morning.

--Both babies track objects really well with their eyes - they will follow 180 degrees both ways.

--Our last feeding is at 10 pm (still on the same schedule) and we have been letting the babies wake up naturally after that, then putting them in the swing for the rest of the night until 7 am. They have been waking up later and later, which is the goal (we don't want to have to do any swing time!), and last night made it to 5:30. We've decided to train them out of the swings now and started letting them "cry it out" as of this morning. They pretty much cried from 5:30 to 6:30 then slept until 7. Not bad - the books say they usually cry at least 2 hours the first time you do that! I'm also working on putting them down for naps without the swing first.

--Nathan lifts his head really well off the ground, though he doesn't like tummy time very much. Kenna doesn't show much interest in lifting off the ground. Her neck is pretty strong if you sit her upright, so hopefully she'll get more interested in tummy time soon.

That's all for now!