I'm behind again but trying desperately to keep up with my weekly update! I don't want to get too behind, because I will use these posts to fill in the baby books and keep the babies' history! It's so awesome that there are still so many great readers who care about our little family even after the surrogacy is over. I would blog each week even if no one else cared, since this is really for the babies someday, but the fact that so many visitors come to the site still is just a cherry on top! :) Thanks so much to all of you for continuing to check in on us.
I'll update on a few key things, then I'll explain the blog title.
The schedule!
Drum roll please. Ahem. 2 nights in a row. NO MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT FEEDING!!!!! (Picture me doing backflips of joy!) That's right, two nights in a row the babies have gone from 10p - 7a with NO feeding! Now, that doesn't mean they didn't wake up. They still wake up about 3a, but I decided two nights ago to try what one of the sleep books says - attempt to soothe back to sleep rather than feed so you can see if they are waking due to habit/inability to stay asleep for long periods vs. needing to eat. So, I moved them to the swings when they woke up and they both have gone back to sleep until the morning wake up time!
I credit this entirely to the beauty of the schedule, which continues to do wonders in our household. It's just about like clockwork at this point. One interesting thing is that when we started I had to use the 2-4 week old schedule, which I assumed was because they were premature. But in the last few days they have suddenly jumped way ahead and are almost hitting the eight week old schedule! They stay along for longer and take shorter naps.
We do have a couple of sleep problems. Kenna has a lot of trouble getting back to sleep during the day when she comes out of REM time (baby cycles are 45 minutes). She fully wakes up, especially during the morning nap, and just cannot go back to sleep on her own. On various occasions I've left her to cry for a long time and it just doesn't work yet for her. The other "problem" is that a couple of weeks ago I gave up on putting them down awake always like you are supposed to do (so they learn to go to sleep on their own). The problem was, I would leave them to cry until they slept, but they would cry so long that they didn't fall asleep, then they would be totally off in terms of learning the schedule. You can't fight both battles at once. So, I decided learning the schedule was most important first, and started putting them to sleep in my arms or in the swing then moving to the crib. I *HATE* myself for doing this because I swore from the beginning I wasn't going to allow them to become dependent on "outside" help for sleeping, but it just had to be done. Aside from schedule reasons, the crying was making me insane. Now that they are on such a great schedule, I plan to try again soon. My parents will be here next week and I don't want excessive crying to drive them crazy, so I'll wait until the week after. Right now, I don't mind having to put them to sleep in the middle of the night in the swing because it's helping them to learn to sleep through without eating. The next step will be to not put them in the swing but we'll wait for a bit on that.
Smiles!
We ARE getting smiles - not tons of smiles, but smiles. Some smiles are better than no smiles, right? Nathan usually smiles a handful of times during the day. Kenna smiles are unpredictable and far between. B said she was smiling like crazy at him last night during the 10p feed like he had never seen her do before. So, that made me feel better because at least we know she's getting there (I was getting worried). Nathan always smiles repeatedly during morning story time - it's his favorite (I read to them on boppies and take turns showing pages). Outside of that, he sometimes smiles later in the day, but morning gets the most. And I can't find anything besides story time that makes him beam consistently!
Current Challenges
I would say the biggest challenge for me right now is finding activities to fill up the time with. As they are awake longer and longer during the day, it's tough to find things to keep them entertained. I think they get bored (I certainly do!) and therefore they have been fussing more, especially in the afternoons. Not all out screaming like it used to be, just low grade "annoyance" (which results in my own low grade annoyance lol). It's really hard because they need more and more attention from me to keep them happy, but it's next to impossible to make them happy at the same time. I feel like while I'm keeping one happy the other is always crying, making it a less than pleasant experience. I would really like to have more one on one time with each of them and need to find ways to make that happen (with B staying with one on the weekend and me taking one or something).
I think this is just a tough stage to find things to occupy with since they don't sit up, they don't grab/hold, they don't "play". I spend all together too much time thinking about how I can't wait for them to be older - I'm so excited to PLAY with them! I get so excited thinking about their first holidays when they are older - Easter egg hunts, fourth of July pool time, Halloweens, etc. I think I have the mentality that I'm just biding time right now, trying to get through this phase that is necessary to get to the stuff I've always looked forward to. Then I feel guilty for not being able to keep myself more present and enjoying THESE moments. So, I'm trying. I really am.
We're all adjusting
I would say the theme of week 8 (and really week 9) has been that we're all adjusting (or trying to). The babies are adjusting to the world by getting on a good schedule, crying less, becoming more social, and coming into their own personalities more and more. We are adjusting by learning more and more about them and how to care for them. We are still adjusting to the new lifestyle. I sometimes forget that we can't just go out to eat anymore, we can't just go snowboarding, we can't just watch a movie without interruptions (scratch that, we can't even watch The Office without interruptions). I really, really miss having personal time. There are so many things I like to do and I haven't had time for any of them. It's a big, big change. Some days I feel like I'm doing really well, starting to get used to the new life dynamics, other days I feel really freaked out at the lack of personal freedom. It's not like I didn't *know* that this is what happens when you have kids. And it's not like this changes *anything* about wanting and loving them. It's just that it is a necessary transition for all new parents, and it probably is harder for some than others, depending on your personality and life before kids. I'm an only child, so I have always been very independent. It's weird to have two people depend on me for everything. In one of my blog posts about fears before they were born, I remember saying that I was scared I would feel like a person on one of those little gerbil running mills. Well, I do! BUT I wouldn't trade it for the world. When I think back to all the IVFs and depression and fear of never having these babies, it's almost unbearable to think of what it would be like if N & K didn't ever make it here. What if we never got to meet them? What if we only got to meet one of them? It's a horrible thought. We treasure these two little beings, even if is taking some time for us to adjust to everything having them means in our day to day lives.
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6 comments:
Sounds like you're doing a fantastic job! Those smiles are a great feeling, aren't they? It's like the babies finally know who you are and they like you! I'm so happy to hear that things are going well. Yes, the lack of personal time does take its toll, and honestly it lasts for years, but it will work itself out in due time. Hang in there - you're doing great! And of course, the babies are just adorable. :-)
I think I'm a lot like you...I felt very much the same way. So let me tell you, it does get BETTER : )
Once we hit about 5 months everything just started working: A sleeps from about 5:30-6pm to about 5 am...straight. She's almost crawling, which is so fun to watch. She's eating food, she smiles and giggles constantly, she loves it when I sing songs to her and tries to dance in her exersaucer, she loves to bang her wooden spoon on her highchair while she "sings"...it's all good. Now that doesn't mean I still don't have moments of missing my "me" time...can't help it, it's just the way I am. But luckily it's so much easier to manage these days. She's become a lot more fun and predictable. In those first few months I was constantly willing us forward, but now I'd almost like to stop time for a while. This is a very fun age - I will definitely miss it when it's over.
As for filling the time at the stage you're at, it is hard. I really remember that. We would rotate through all the stations: the bouncy chair, the swing (which she always hated so it wasn't long), her mat on the floor for tummy time, the basement carpet for story time, in her sling, in her stroller for long, long walks...I was out a lot in those early days. I know it's got to be so much harder with two...so I think you're doing so great. One was hard enough! Hopefully you can get some well-deserved personal time on the weekends, even if it's just a 15 minute walk outside on your own. I wrote a novel, sorry about that.
Hang in there - when people say it just keeps getting better...it really, really does : )
It does get better with time and age, but know your doing fantastic. Keep in tuned with your own emotions also, PPD can happen even if you don't carry. Having one baby is hard, having two is double the work with not a lot of "fun" at this stage and it can take it's toll on even the best of us. Have someone to talk to if you need it. Can hubby take the 2 of them a couple times a week so you can go out for an hour?, maybe to a gym or for a walk or coffee at a friends? You need some "you" time or else you're go batty being stuck in the house with 2 babies all day.
As to baby play, and what to do with your days, if you haven't already break it up a bit. Your great a schedules it seems so maybe make a schedule for play too. Some suggestions of things you can do, tickling, using feathers, hands, puppets, etc.... blowing rasberries on bellies, all are bound to get out some smiles. Go for walks, if it's too cold, maybe even a walk at the mall. Not to shop, just to walk and get out of the house and have different scenery. Bath time is not just for baths, but play too, maybe extend bathtimes to allow more play? Toys, of course, dancing to some really great music you love, also help you feel good, music has a way of doing that to me. Anyway, just trying to think up a few suggestions to help.
Just know your doing great, it's a hard time but you'll get through this like you have every other challenge in your life.
Happy 2 months, babies!
The missing "me" time is weird, isn't it? A shower feels like a luxurious treat! :)
Hope all is well and can't wait to hear more! Also, more pictures, please! :)
Sounds like all is well in Nathan?Kenna land!!
The smiles are the best part of the day. When they do that, smile at you in recognition of YOU that is the best feeling in the world!
Tayleigh started sleeping through at 3 months. Only occassionaly did she wake up for a feed. It's just the way it is. The kids are growing up. Nothing you can do as much as you want them to stay that cute and cuddly and poopy and small :-)
I hear you about being bored and trying to find things to do! And I only "babysit" on occassion Michelle goes to physio or massage therapy! I am in awe of my wife who she finds things to do with Tayleigh all the time (OTHER then going to the mall!! LOL)
if all fails - the magic word is EXCERSAUCER (once they are old enough of course!!!)
Mark
I'm just catching up from the last few weeks as things have been super busy here and blog land has been put on hold. But I do have a few things to say.
1. Those kids are BEAUITFULL! I love looking at pictures.
2. I love the schedual! We are foster parents (in which we have adopted 4 of those kids, age 5,3,3,8months). Plus we've had 15 other kids (quite a few infants and babies) and I can honestly say within a week of these babies/kids comming into our care (from thier hectic/non-routine homes) they adjust VERY well and we have never had ANY problems with any of our children sleeping. Our youngest daughter is 8 months old, and she came to us when she was 5 months old. She would be up ALL night, and then sleep all day. We said there is NO WAY this is going to work in our house. She came to us at 10:00 in the morning, we kept her all up day (and it helped b/c there were a lot of friends and family comming to meet the newest permident member of our family) and she went to bed at 8:00am. We have never had a problem with her sleep since! After 6 weeks of her being with us we decided we were NOT going to feed her during the night, soothe her back to sleep. And it worked the first night, and every night since.
My other 3 boys (age 5,3,3) came to us when they were 13months and 22months old. Sleep was always done early. Even now, 7:00 it's upstiars for teeth brushing/jammies, storeis, devotions, prayer and bed. THey are in bed by 7:30ish. We come down, change and feed the baby and she is in bed by 8. And everyone is in bed until 8am the next morning. A lot of people complain that my kids go to bed early (it's always been 7pm). but honestly, you have all day to spend with your kids, the evening is always time for my husband and I. That is important!
So GOOD JOB! I agree with schedual thing 100% I know I got a lot of backlash for doing that with my kids, so I hope you are not. You are doing amazing.
*Amy*
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