Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Weeks 14 and 15: Sailing along
I am happy to report that the last couple of weeks have been blissfully uneventful. :) It's just so nice to be in a good pattern with nothing major going on.
Let's see, there have only been a couple of changes in the last 2 weeks. First, we have completed "unswaddling". I really didn't think it would ever happen because Nathan especially has very active arms and he keeps himself awake. We started off by letting them sleep during daytime naps with their arms out of the swaddle. That took about a week for them to get used to. Then we let them do it during the 7-10 time at night (we wake them at 10 for their last feeding). Although it seemed they hadn't quite mastered that and were still waking themselves up, it was close enough that one night we decided to go for it after the 10 pm feeding for the rest of their sleep. Kenna did amazing! She slept all the way through and never made a peep. She had always been waking up at 5 or 6 (rather than the "goal" of 7) and she just could never seem to sleep on through. After we unswaddled, and ever since this week, she sleeps all the way through to 7 every night and we don't hear anything from her. When she wakes up she just lies in her crib looking around until I come in (at which time I get huge smiles and coos)! The first couple of nights Nathan woke up at 4-5 am, but that is what he had been doing anyway for a couple of weeks before (he had regressed from sleeping through for some reason). I figured he was waking up early anyway, so keep unswaddling. Well, he finally got all the way through and for the last few nights has done great! He still wakes up early, cries for about 5-10 minutes, but now goes back to sleep on his own and waits for me in the morning without crying. Hooray!
Kenna is doing better with her head lifting. She has gotten it very high a few times and can hold it up for limited amounts of time. Definite progress. I'm confident that she is getting it now. She's just not as motivated to lift her head as Nathan, who now loves his tummy time and lies around for long periods with his head way up in the air.
Both babies discovered thumbs this week! They have had much fun putting their hands in their mouths. They had their hands in their mouths many times before but now you can tell it's intentional and they are really working hard at finding those fingers. I'm happy about that because neither one is good at keeping a pacifier in so it's not fun to keep replacing fallen pacifiers. We have mostly weaned them from pacifiers anyway, but I still use them when we are out and sometimes at night when we put them to bed.
That's all that's new right now. I will post some pics in a bit here. I love these babies more and more every day, even though it seems like I couldn't love them more than I already do. We just bond more all the time and I am loving being a mommy. Boy, those first three months were hard. It was harder for me than I even let on in my earlier posts. But it sure makes me appreciate our smooth sailing ship all the more now. Nathan and Kenna are the precious lights of my life!
My heart goes out to some of my online friends/fellow bloggers who have had very difficult news lately. It's made my heart so heavy for them and I think about it so much when I look at my little ones and know so many are still struggling. When you come out "victorious" from infertility you can still easily feel the pain of others going through their own battles. One friend, after several IVFs and losses, tried surrogacy for the first time recently and the surrogate did not get pregnant. Two others, after devastating past losses and many IVFs, did surrogacy for the first time recently, both surrogates got pregnant, and both just suffered miscarriages in the last couple of weeks. Another did seven IVFs, finally got pregnant with twins, went to her big ultrasound to find out the genders yesterday and found out one of the babies has a severe heart defect and will require multiple heart surgeries as a baby. My heart just pours out to all of these families. I feel like we can't possibly be this lucky so something bad must be around the corner for us too. It's just not fair that things worked out for us and these other wonderful women are still in the trenches. It really feels like you are stuck in the bottom of a well when you are going through IVFs. Yes, you can see there are several possible ways of getting out; a possible step here, a loose hanging rope over there. You know that something can probably work, but every time you try something and it doesn't work, it feels more and more hopeless. You try the rope and the whole thing comes down into the well with you because it turns out it wasn't tied at the top. So you try the step but it's too wet and you slip and fall back. With every option used you feel more and more hopeless and frustrated. Sometimes you just sit down in the dark bottom and cry. It's hard to imagine trying that other step over there since it looks wet too and will take a whole lot of energy. Meanwhile, you hear all the happy people at the top having fun and playing with their children freely. But you are stuck in the well. You keep trying because you have to. And someday you know you'll be on the other side. But those days stuck in the well, you will never, ever forget. They leave you a changed person.
Let's see, there have only been a couple of changes in the last 2 weeks. First, we have completed "unswaddling". I really didn't think it would ever happen because Nathan especially has very active arms and he keeps himself awake. We started off by letting them sleep during daytime naps with their arms out of the swaddle. That took about a week for them to get used to. Then we let them do it during the 7-10 time at night (we wake them at 10 for their last feeding). Although it seemed they hadn't quite mastered that and were still waking themselves up, it was close enough that one night we decided to go for it after the 10 pm feeding for the rest of their sleep. Kenna did amazing! She slept all the way through and never made a peep. She had always been waking up at 5 or 6 (rather than the "goal" of 7) and she just could never seem to sleep on through. After we unswaddled, and ever since this week, she sleeps all the way through to 7 every night and we don't hear anything from her. When she wakes up she just lies in her crib looking around until I come in (at which time I get huge smiles and coos)! The first couple of nights Nathan woke up at 4-5 am, but that is what he had been doing anyway for a couple of weeks before (he had regressed from sleeping through for some reason). I figured he was waking up early anyway, so keep unswaddling. Well, he finally got all the way through and for the last few nights has done great! He still wakes up early, cries for about 5-10 minutes, but now goes back to sleep on his own and waits for me in the morning without crying. Hooray!
Kenna is doing better with her head lifting. She has gotten it very high a few times and can hold it up for limited amounts of time. Definite progress. I'm confident that she is getting it now. She's just not as motivated to lift her head as Nathan, who now loves his tummy time and lies around for long periods with his head way up in the air.
Both babies discovered thumbs this week! They have had much fun putting their hands in their mouths. They had their hands in their mouths many times before but now you can tell it's intentional and they are really working hard at finding those fingers. I'm happy about that because neither one is good at keeping a pacifier in so it's not fun to keep replacing fallen pacifiers. We have mostly weaned them from pacifiers anyway, but I still use them when we are out and sometimes at night when we put them to bed.
That's all that's new right now. I will post some pics in a bit here. I love these babies more and more every day, even though it seems like I couldn't love them more than I already do. We just bond more all the time and I am loving being a mommy. Boy, those first three months were hard. It was harder for me than I even let on in my earlier posts. But it sure makes me appreciate our smooth sailing ship all the more now. Nathan and Kenna are the precious lights of my life!
My heart goes out to some of my online friends/fellow bloggers who have had very difficult news lately. It's made my heart so heavy for them and I think about it so much when I look at my little ones and know so many are still struggling. When you come out "victorious" from infertility you can still easily feel the pain of others going through their own battles. One friend, after several IVFs and losses, tried surrogacy for the first time recently and the surrogate did not get pregnant. Two others, after devastating past losses and many IVFs, did surrogacy for the first time recently, both surrogates got pregnant, and both just suffered miscarriages in the last couple of weeks. Another did seven IVFs, finally got pregnant with twins, went to her big ultrasound to find out the genders yesterday and found out one of the babies has a severe heart defect and will require multiple heart surgeries as a baby. My heart just pours out to all of these families. I feel like we can't possibly be this lucky so something bad must be around the corner for us too. It's just not fair that things worked out for us and these other wonderful women are still in the trenches. It really feels like you are stuck in the bottom of a well when you are going through IVFs. Yes, you can see there are several possible ways of getting out; a possible step here, a loose hanging rope over there. You know that something can probably work, but every time you try something and it doesn't work, it feels more and more hopeless. You try the rope and the whole thing comes down into the well with you because it turns out it wasn't tied at the top. So you try the step but it's too wet and you slip and fall back. With every option used you feel more and more hopeless and frustrated. Sometimes you just sit down in the dark bottom and cry. It's hard to imagine trying that other step over there since it looks wet too and will take a whole lot of energy. Meanwhile, you hear all the happy people at the top having fun and playing with their children freely. But you are stuck in the well. You keep trying because you have to. And someday you know you'll be on the other side. But those days stuck in the well, you will never, ever forget. They leave you a changed person.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Weeks 12 and 13: Lots of changes!
I feel guilty combining weeks but I just didn't have time to update last week! Nathan and Kenna, if/when you read these someday, know that it's not that I didn't love you enough to update both weeks...I was spending time with you instead. :)
So let's see, what's new? Well, I feel there have been a lot of developmental and physical changes with the babies at this 3 month mark!
Nathan, in week 12, suddenly went from being strong about lifting his head when on tummy time to lifting himself consistently 90 degrees while leaning on his arms and just holding that position without struggling. It's amazing to watch! For so long I was impressed that he could just lift his head so high and then put it down, but it's like one day that week he realized he was strong enough to hold it up once it got into position, supported by his arms, and he never turned back! This skill then enabled him to roll over one morning. He rolled over from tummy to back a couple of times before he was even six weeks, but purely by accident as he never did it again. The morning he rolled over recently I was so excited because I could tell he was really trying! I put him on his tummy again and he rolled over two more times that morning! Since then he has rolled over multiple times per day. He loves it!
I know that by 3 months babies are supposed to be able to lift their heads at least 45 degrees and last week I really started getting concerned about Kenna. On tummy time she really doesn't try at all to lift her head and when she gets frustrated and does try because she wants out of the position, she really barely moves it up. I wouldn't even call it 45 degrees. So I started obsessing about this issue and putting her on her tummy a kazillion times per day. I started doing "exercises" with her that intuitively seem like they would help. I would hold her head up for her on tummy time to show her what things look like if she tries to look up, exercise that muscle by lifting and lowering her head, put her across my lap for a different view, etc. She still didn't seem to get it. Then one night I put her down one last time and she suddenly lifted way up OVER 45 degrees on her ARMS (not just the newborn head lift) and held it there! I was so excited I went dashing for the camera across the room and slipped and hurt my knee on the hard wood floor. LOL She has done it a few times since then but is not consistent yet. I'm just relieved to know she can. We'll continue working on it.
Aside from the physical aspect, something significant started happening on February 28 (end of week 12). I know it was that day because we were over at B's parents house when the babies really started vocalizing the first time. They had been making little sounds here and there before, but nothing like that morning...and they haven't turned back. I've tried really hard to talk a lot TO them because that is supposed to really help from an early age, but it just didn't occur to me that they were at a point to talk WITH them. B's mom was talking "with" them that morning, pausing to give them the opportunity to chime in, and that's when they started doing it. Now I make it a point to talk with them every day - where we establish good attention and eye contact and then have a conversation. :) I absolutely love their little sounds. Sometimes they aren't even sounds, just little "squeals" or excited kicks, but it's all communication. They are so fun!
I can't believe how much they have grown, which is something that has really struck me lately. In the past it seemed impossible to tell because I was seeing them every day. But when I look at them now they just look like SUCH bigger, older babies. I really see the changes in their faces. They both have faces that have filled out so much. Kenna has gotten especially plump lately (in a good way!!). I've been feeding them at the same time for a while now, using the two boppies, and the other day I decided to feed one at a time because I missed it. I couldn't believe how different it was to hold them while feeding now compared to a few weeks ago when I regularly did it that way! They just seemed huge! Of course I hold them every day, but I don't have the same obvious reference point with that as with feeding so it struck me. They are also moving through their clothes so fast, I can't keep up. I have clothes for the future in sorted stacks in the closet. Periodically I remember, "hey, I should check the next range of clothes in case they can wear them now" (so we don't get too far along and they've already outgrown them before I realized it). Every time I do try it they fit and I just can't believe it. Nathan is now in 3-6 month (3 month is tight) and Kenna will be very soon (she is good with 3 month exactly). It's fun to have them wear new clothes all the time, but OMG, my babies! They are getting so big so fast! I never thought I would say that a month ago when I was so overwhelmed. LOL But each time I put away another outfit that is too small I feel a little pang of sadness. In a good way, it really has made me "get it" in terms of enjoying each stage, because now I'm really experiencing how fast the stages go. I am obsessively taking pictures and need to do a better job remembering to grab video.
For those who don't know, I own my own company (started it 4 years ago) and work from home. The problem is, running it to make it worthwhile means I really need to work more than full time doing it. I don't want to work full time for now. So, I made the decision recently to put my company on "hold" for a year (it's something that requires advertising for business, so I can just keep my advertising off). That said, I value the balance of work and do want to work part time, so I've decided to work two days per week. I've been doing some minimal marketing consulting for B's business (he owns his own also) for the last couple of years because they don't have a marketing executive, needed a marketing plan and that is my background. They have hired me to be their Marketing Director and I'll be doing that with my two days per week. It's perfect for me because it's a high level job doing what I love, while working from home exactly how much I was hoping to. :) To enable this, we've hired a nanny for one day per week (on a neighbor's referral) and B's mom comes the other day. We started this last week and I'm really happy with how it's all working out!
For those of you who are still expecting, I would like to leave this 3 month post for you with this thought: Getting through the first three months is akin to getting through the first trimester. It's a totally new phase of your life with lots and lots of adjustments. It's a very emotional time filled with highs AND lows. I really feel that I have "conquered" those first three months now and emerged alive. :) I feel like I know my babies inside and out, the daily mystery and frustration of trying to figure out what is going on is gone, our schedule is like a well oiled machine, we all sleep great through the whole night, and I love these little precious children like I can't even explain. I am so grateful for every minute and I dream of all the wonderful times ahead.
I don't have time to post pics right now, but will soon!
So let's see, what's new? Well, I feel there have been a lot of developmental and physical changes with the babies at this 3 month mark!
Nathan, in week 12, suddenly went from being strong about lifting his head when on tummy time to lifting himself consistently 90 degrees while leaning on his arms and just holding that position without struggling. It's amazing to watch! For so long I was impressed that he could just lift his head so high and then put it down, but it's like one day that week he realized he was strong enough to hold it up once it got into position, supported by his arms, and he never turned back! This skill then enabled him to roll over one morning. He rolled over from tummy to back a couple of times before he was even six weeks, but purely by accident as he never did it again. The morning he rolled over recently I was so excited because I could tell he was really trying! I put him on his tummy again and he rolled over two more times that morning! Since then he has rolled over multiple times per day. He loves it!
I know that by 3 months babies are supposed to be able to lift their heads at least 45 degrees and last week I really started getting concerned about Kenna. On tummy time she really doesn't try at all to lift her head and when she gets frustrated and does try because she wants out of the position, she really barely moves it up. I wouldn't even call it 45 degrees. So I started obsessing about this issue and putting her on her tummy a kazillion times per day. I started doing "exercises" with her that intuitively seem like they would help. I would hold her head up for her on tummy time to show her what things look like if she tries to look up, exercise that muscle by lifting and lowering her head, put her across my lap for a different view, etc. She still didn't seem to get it. Then one night I put her down one last time and she suddenly lifted way up OVER 45 degrees on her ARMS (not just the newborn head lift) and held it there! I was so excited I went dashing for the camera across the room and slipped and hurt my knee on the hard wood floor. LOL She has done it a few times since then but is not consistent yet. I'm just relieved to know she can. We'll continue working on it.
Aside from the physical aspect, something significant started happening on February 28 (end of week 12). I know it was that day because we were over at B's parents house when the babies really started vocalizing the first time. They had been making little sounds here and there before, but nothing like that morning...and they haven't turned back. I've tried really hard to talk a lot TO them because that is supposed to really help from an early age, but it just didn't occur to me that they were at a point to talk WITH them. B's mom was talking "with" them that morning, pausing to give them the opportunity to chime in, and that's when they started doing it. Now I make it a point to talk with them every day - where we establish good attention and eye contact and then have a conversation. :) I absolutely love their little sounds. Sometimes they aren't even sounds, just little "squeals" or excited kicks, but it's all communication. They are so fun!
I can't believe how much they have grown, which is something that has really struck me lately. In the past it seemed impossible to tell because I was seeing them every day. But when I look at them now they just look like SUCH bigger, older babies. I really see the changes in their faces. They both have faces that have filled out so much. Kenna has gotten especially plump lately (in a good way!!). I've been feeding them at the same time for a while now, using the two boppies, and the other day I decided to feed one at a time because I missed it. I couldn't believe how different it was to hold them while feeding now compared to a few weeks ago when I regularly did it that way! They just seemed huge! Of course I hold them every day, but I don't have the same obvious reference point with that as with feeding so it struck me. They are also moving through their clothes so fast, I can't keep up. I have clothes for the future in sorted stacks in the closet. Periodically I remember, "hey, I should check the next range of clothes in case they can wear them now" (so we don't get too far along and they've already outgrown them before I realized it). Every time I do try it they fit and I just can't believe it. Nathan is now in 3-6 month (3 month is tight) and Kenna will be very soon (she is good with 3 month exactly). It's fun to have them wear new clothes all the time, but OMG, my babies! They are getting so big so fast! I never thought I would say that a month ago when I was so overwhelmed. LOL But each time I put away another outfit that is too small I feel a little pang of sadness. In a good way, it really has made me "get it" in terms of enjoying each stage, because now I'm really experiencing how fast the stages go. I am obsessively taking pictures and need to do a better job remembering to grab video.
For those who don't know, I own my own company (started it 4 years ago) and work from home. The problem is, running it to make it worthwhile means I really need to work more than full time doing it. I don't want to work full time for now. So, I made the decision recently to put my company on "hold" for a year (it's something that requires advertising for business, so I can just keep my advertising off). That said, I value the balance of work and do want to work part time, so I've decided to work two days per week. I've been doing some minimal marketing consulting for B's business (he owns his own also) for the last couple of years because they don't have a marketing executive, needed a marketing plan and that is my background. They have hired me to be their Marketing Director and I'll be doing that with my two days per week. It's perfect for me because it's a high level job doing what I love, while working from home exactly how much I was hoping to. :) To enable this, we've hired a nanny for one day per week (on a neighbor's referral) and B's mom comes the other day. We started this last week and I'm really happy with how it's all working out!
For those of you who are still expecting, I would like to leave this 3 month post for you with this thought: Getting through the first three months is akin to getting through the first trimester. It's a totally new phase of your life with lots and lots of adjustments. It's a very emotional time filled with highs AND lows. I really feel that I have "conquered" those first three months now and emerged alive. :) I feel like I know my babies inside and out, the daily mystery and frustration of trying to figure out what is going on is gone, our schedule is like a well oiled machine, we all sleep great through the whole night, and I love these little precious children like I can't even explain. I am so grateful for every minute and I dream of all the wonderful times ahead.
I don't have time to post pics right now, but will soon!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Week 11: Really Loving It
I'll start this week with the highlights, then a little commentary:
--Both babies have crossed over that bridge of "newborns can't stay awake for more than two hours"...they both consistently make it to 2.5 hours at the times of day when they are "supposed to" for babies their age now. It's amazing how fast they have caught up on the schedule to babies their age. In the beginning they were following the schedule for their adjusted age (4 weeks early) and now they are right on track with what full term babies are supposed to be able to do! They seem to really be thriving and alert.
--We ended week 11 with all four of us in the house sick. B and I had the flu and both babies had colds. It was/is their first illness. My maternal instinct showed up in full force - it is so sad to see their little congested faces crying! Kenna seems to be much worse than Nathan. Nathan is a bit congested, but Kenna keeps sneezing and has so much stuff in her sinuses. I keep using the nasal aspirator with her but it seems there is no end to it. She has been really fussy and just wants to be held all the time. It's so sad! I just keep comforting her and am enjoying the opportunity to "rescue" her from her pains. :)
Nathan Update
Nathan continues to give us lots and lots of smiles. He is sooooo sweet. Those little smiles just melt my heart. He smiles spontaneously at things and seeing little spurts of joy in my sweetheart just makes my heart leap. When he gets really excited he opens his mouth really wide and it looks like he is going to laugh, but no audible laughs yet! He loves when I smile really big and say in a high pitched tone, "TEE TEE TEE TEE TEE!!" LOL (Yes I feel stupid writing that!) B has his own ways of eliciting Nathan's beautiful smiles, like pulling his hands together in a clapping motion. Nathan has squealed a couple of times, but not too much. He does make little sounds here and there but I don't know if it's what you call "coos". I don't know exactly what a "coo" is, but I guess I'll find out one of these days! Nathan continues to really surprise us with his strength. I'll post a picture after this where you can see him holding his head way up. He only likes tummy time for a minute or so, but while he is there he is an amazing little guy, lifting his head way up and looking around both directions. He also has a really strong grasp. Although he isn't really reaching for things intentionally, he grasps at the air a lot and loves holding on TIGHT to my fingers or hair!
One of the funniest things that Nathan does is say his own special word when he is hungry: UN-GAY. It cracks us up because it does sound a bit like HUN-GRY and is very distinctive when he says it. When you take his bottle away to wipe his mouth or something he immediately screams and tells you, "UN-GAY!!!" It's so fun to respond by saying, "oh no! Not that! You are un-gay? I better give you the bottle back!" or "I know you are un-gay, don't worry there is more food!" Both babies eat 6 ounces 5 times per day, but yesterday Nathan was screaming UN-GAY after his 6 ounces during two of the feedings so I gave him more. By the night time feeding he didn't want anymore after 3 ounces. I took the bottle out of his mouth and said, "you don't seem very UN-GAY tonight!" He got a huge smile on his face and it was so precious. He was done eating. :)
Kenna Update
Kenna may not smile as frequently as Nathan, but when she does it is pure gold. She gets some GIANT grins (I'll post some pictures after this) and it's just amazing. We had some friends coming over to see the babies for the first time this week so I dressed her up in a new dress we have for the first time. She looked like a precious little doll. I love dressing her up so much! It's the pink dress in the pictures I'm going to post. I just can't wait for summer when I can put her in dresses every day. She has the cutest expressions. She opens her eyes really wide sometimes and puckers her little lips as if she is surprised and I think it's the sweetest thing - so innocent and pretty! There are two things that make her consistently smile. The funniest one is when she sees me get the camera out! I sit her up and when she sees the camera she almost always gets a big grin! So I always have a series of pictures with the first couple of her smiling (she doesn't smile the whole time so I have to get them fast!). The other thing is the flashing, music playing star attached to her play mat. Nothing else keeps her occupied in the same way. She just loves it. When it is off and she is lying under it, she stares at it waiting for it to blink and play its songs. As soon as it does, big smiles!
Kenna is doing a great job looking all around her on both sides now. For a while, she would look to her left side 90% of the time. The doctor said it might have been how she was positioned in the womb. I had been encouraging her to look the other direction for a while, but in the last couple of weeks she has really gone to evenly looking around in all ways. When I sit her upright on my lap or against my chest, she holds her head up really well and looks to both sides with intrigue. Her face is so petite and dainty...when I see her looking around with those inquisitive eyes I just can't help but kiss her big cheeks over and over. :)
I can't really get her to lift her head while on tummy time very much yet, but she's doing well when she is lying angled against me. Hopefully she will decide she wants to lift up like Nathan soon.
Me Update
I just have to say that I have really transitioned from struggling with the day to day to honestly and truly loving it. I find so much joy now in all the little things - watching their expressions, seeing how they develop new skills, eliciting their beautiful smiles, waiting in anticipation for their next milestones to happen, feeling their fingers tightly wrapped around mine, watching their eyes close slowly at night as they fall asleep, comforting them when they are unhappy. It is such an honor and a privilege to know them. I'm just so excited about our little family and all the time we hopefully have ahead of us together.
When we were at the mall a few weeks back pushing our double stroller through, a woman came up to us and sort of stopped me by putting her hand on my shoulder. She looked at the babies and then looked at me with emotion beyond her simple words: "You are SO lucky." People make comments all the time when we are out and about, but this woman stands out to me. It wasn't a flippant comment. I could tell there was so much behind it, though I could never guess her specific story. At the time I thought, "if you only knew how much we've been through to get here!" But I am reminded lately of how much so many people go through with infertility and still don't have their desired outcomes. It's really sad that there is not necessarily a correlation between how much work you put in and what the outcome is with infertility. It really stands out to me lately HOW lucky we are, and that I should never think "if you only knew how much we've been through..." Many go through even more than we did and don't have a double (or single) stroller to push through the mall. That woman was so right. We are SO lucky.
--Both babies have crossed over that bridge of "newborns can't stay awake for more than two hours"...they both consistently make it to 2.5 hours at the times of day when they are "supposed to" for babies their age now. It's amazing how fast they have caught up on the schedule to babies their age. In the beginning they were following the schedule for their adjusted age (4 weeks early) and now they are right on track with what full term babies are supposed to be able to do! They seem to really be thriving and alert.
--We ended week 11 with all four of us in the house sick. B and I had the flu and both babies had colds. It was/is their first illness. My maternal instinct showed up in full force - it is so sad to see their little congested faces crying! Kenna seems to be much worse than Nathan. Nathan is a bit congested, but Kenna keeps sneezing and has so much stuff in her sinuses. I keep using the nasal aspirator with her but it seems there is no end to it. She has been really fussy and just wants to be held all the time. It's so sad! I just keep comforting her and am enjoying the opportunity to "rescue" her from her pains. :)
Nathan Update
Nathan continues to give us lots and lots of smiles. He is sooooo sweet. Those little smiles just melt my heart. He smiles spontaneously at things and seeing little spurts of joy in my sweetheart just makes my heart leap. When he gets really excited he opens his mouth really wide and it looks like he is going to laugh, but no audible laughs yet! He loves when I smile really big and say in a high pitched tone, "TEE TEE TEE TEE TEE!!" LOL (Yes I feel stupid writing that!) B has his own ways of eliciting Nathan's beautiful smiles, like pulling his hands together in a clapping motion. Nathan has squealed a couple of times, but not too much. He does make little sounds here and there but I don't know if it's what you call "coos". I don't know exactly what a "coo" is, but I guess I'll find out one of these days! Nathan continues to really surprise us with his strength. I'll post a picture after this where you can see him holding his head way up. He only likes tummy time for a minute or so, but while he is there he is an amazing little guy, lifting his head way up and looking around both directions. He also has a really strong grasp. Although he isn't really reaching for things intentionally, he grasps at the air a lot and loves holding on TIGHT to my fingers or hair!
One of the funniest things that Nathan does is say his own special word when he is hungry: UN-GAY. It cracks us up because it does sound a bit like HUN-GRY and is very distinctive when he says it. When you take his bottle away to wipe his mouth or something he immediately screams and tells you, "UN-GAY!!!" It's so fun to respond by saying, "oh no! Not that! You are un-gay? I better give you the bottle back!" or "I know you are un-gay, don't worry there is more food!" Both babies eat 6 ounces 5 times per day, but yesterday Nathan was screaming UN-GAY after his 6 ounces during two of the feedings so I gave him more. By the night time feeding he didn't want anymore after 3 ounces. I took the bottle out of his mouth and said, "you don't seem very UN-GAY tonight!" He got a huge smile on his face and it was so precious. He was done eating. :)
Kenna Update
Kenna may not smile as frequently as Nathan, but when she does it is pure gold. She gets some GIANT grins (I'll post some pictures after this) and it's just amazing. We had some friends coming over to see the babies for the first time this week so I dressed her up in a new dress we have for the first time. She looked like a precious little doll. I love dressing her up so much! It's the pink dress in the pictures I'm going to post. I just can't wait for summer when I can put her in dresses every day. She has the cutest expressions. She opens her eyes really wide sometimes and puckers her little lips as if she is surprised and I think it's the sweetest thing - so innocent and pretty! There are two things that make her consistently smile. The funniest one is when she sees me get the camera out! I sit her up and when she sees the camera she almost always gets a big grin! So I always have a series of pictures with the first couple of her smiling (she doesn't smile the whole time so I have to get them fast!). The other thing is the flashing, music playing star attached to her play mat. Nothing else keeps her occupied in the same way. She just loves it. When it is off and she is lying under it, she stares at it waiting for it to blink and play its songs. As soon as it does, big smiles!
Kenna is doing a great job looking all around her on both sides now. For a while, she would look to her left side 90% of the time. The doctor said it might have been how she was positioned in the womb. I had been encouraging her to look the other direction for a while, but in the last couple of weeks she has really gone to evenly looking around in all ways. When I sit her upright on my lap or against my chest, she holds her head up really well and looks to both sides with intrigue. Her face is so petite and dainty...when I see her looking around with those inquisitive eyes I just can't help but kiss her big cheeks over and over. :)
I can't really get her to lift her head while on tummy time very much yet, but she's doing well when she is lying angled against me. Hopefully she will decide she wants to lift up like Nathan soon.
Me Update
I just have to say that I have really transitioned from struggling with the day to day to honestly and truly loving it. I find so much joy now in all the little things - watching their expressions, seeing how they develop new skills, eliciting their beautiful smiles, waiting in anticipation for their next milestones to happen, feeling their fingers tightly wrapped around mine, watching their eyes close slowly at night as they fall asleep, comforting them when they are unhappy. It is such an honor and a privilege to know them. I'm just so excited about our little family and all the time we hopefully have ahead of us together.
When we were at the mall a few weeks back pushing our double stroller through, a woman came up to us and sort of stopped me by putting her hand on my shoulder. She looked at the babies and then looked at me with emotion beyond her simple words: "You are SO lucky." People make comments all the time when we are out and about, but this woman stands out to me. It wasn't a flippant comment. I could tell there was so much behind it, though I could never guess her specific story. At the time I thought, "if you only knew how much we've been through to get here!" But I am reminded lately of how much so many people go through with infertility and still don't have their desired outcomes. It's really sad that there is not necessarily a correlation between how much work you put in and what the outcome is with infertility. It really stands out to me lately HOW lucky we are, and that I should never think "if you only knew how much we've been through..." Many go through even more than we did and don't have a double (or single) stroller to push through the mall. That woman was so right. We are SO lucky.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Weeks 9 and 10 Pictures!
My mom cracking Nathan up...I love this picture! Look at their two faces!
Nathan and Kenna hanging out
Nathan hanging out in his sweatsuit
One of the few times I have caught Kenna smiling on camera!
Awwwwww...
Some very excited grandparents meeting the babies for the first time...
Nathan and Kenna hanging out
Nathan hanging out in his sweatsuit
One of the few times I have caught Kenna smiling on camera!
Awwwwww...
Some very excited grandparents meeting the babies for the first time...
Weeks 9 and 10 - Renewed Energy
I'm happy to report that here, at the end of week 10, I am feeling much better about things. My parents came to visit for the last week from out of state and it was the first time they got to meet the babies. It was also the first time I had a prolonged break, as my parents fully took over for seven days. OMG, what a difference that made.
I realize now that things were feeling harder and harder for me and I was at a point that I was desperately overwhelmed and exasperated. I had no patience left and was so bogged down in the day to day of baby care that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I was *trying* to enjoy this fleeting time, but I wasn't having much success raising my head above water day to day. I'm so grateful for all the comments on my last post. They helped me remember that this happens to a lot of people and that I'm not alone, no matter how overwhelming it all seems.
Having a break this week was soooooo amazing. I was, of course, still in the house, so I was still "with" the babies, but I only fed them once a day and my parents did all the other feedings and naps. I would come downstairs periodically from getting things done and just pop by to admire my precious little babies. Oooohhh how adorable they were when someone else was managing all the details! I noted Nathan's sweet baby smell, the strength of his little grasp, his impressive concentration, his precious little cheeks. I noted Kenna's beautiful eyes, her amazing little grin, her petite features, her dainty mannerisms. Each time I came by to see them I was taken by their beauty, by the miracle that they are here with us. I just wanted to hold them, love them, cherish them. It's not that I wasn't in love with them before, it's just that I didn't have time to think about it. My parents left yesterday and I have a renewed energy that I hope will last for a while. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to regain the bigger perspective for a bit.
I've also been thinking about what an amazing gift J gave us. When someone can be credited for bringing lives into the world that otherwise would not have existed, they can truly be credited with changing the world. It's not just about our lives - if Nathan and Kenna are blessed to live full, healthy lives, they will have the opportunity to change other people's lives themselves, have children of their own, and change the world in their own way. It's a perpetual gift. I'm blown away by the magnitude of what J and other surrogates do to change people's lives. It is so grand a gift that honestly, sometimes it feels like a burden; I feel indebted in an insurmountable way. I wish more than anything there was something that would be an adequate way of saying thank you, or a gift in kind. There is nothing like that. I am reminded of that fact all the time. Standing "back" and looking at Nathan and Kenna from a slight distance this week, I'm just struck by how J changed our lives in ways that can never, ever be repaid. We have absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing, gifts from God...and J...in our lives.
***
As far as baby news, here's what has been going on:
--I have stashed all the newborn size clothes and both babies are wearing 3 months!
--About a week ago the babies had their 2 month checkup and vaccinations. Nathan weighed 11 lbs 5 oz and Kenna weighed 10 lbs 3 oz! They are both almost exactly at the 50th percentile for height and weight (for full term babies at this point)! Kenna's head is in the 30th percentile - she has a very petite and dainty face. :) Neither baby had any reaction at all to the vaccines (other than screaming during the actual shots).
--Kenna's time finally came to start smiling regularly. This week, coinciding with grandma and grandpa's first visit, brought smile after smile. Both she and Nathan loved my parents. Nathan was just one big smile all week. Kenna still doesn't smile as much as Nathan, but this was really her first week of consistent smiles and it was so sweet. Both babies usually greet me with a smile first thing in the morning.
--Both babies track objects really well with their eyes - they will follow 180 degrees both ways.
--Our last feeding is at 10 pm (still on the same schedule) and we have been letting the babies wake up naturally after that, then putting them in the swing for the rest of the night until 7 am. They have been waking up later and later, which is the goal (we don't want to have to do any swing time!), and last night made it to 5:30. We've decided to train them out of the swings now and started letting them "cry it out" as of this morning. They pretty much cried from 5:30 to 6:30 then slept until 7. Not bad - the books say they usually cry at least 2 hours the first time you do that! I'm also working on putting them down for naps without the swing first.
--Nathan lifts his head really well off the ground, though he doesn't like tummy time very much. Kenna doesn't show much interest in lifting off the ground. Her neck is pretty strong if you sit her upright, so hopefully she'll get more interested in tummy time soon.
That's all for now!
I realize now that things were feeling harder and harder for me and I was at a point that I was desperately overwhelmed and exasperated. I had no patience left and was so bogged down in the day to day of baby care that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I was *trying* to enjoy this fleeting time, but I wasn't having much success raising my head above water day to day. I'm so grateful for all the comments on my last post. They helped me remember that this happens to a lot of people and that I'm not alone, no matter how overwhelming it all seems.
Having a break this week was soooooo amazing. I was, of course, still in the house, so I was still "with" the babies, but I only fed them once a day and my parents did all the other feedings and naps. I would come downstairs periodically from getting things done and just pop by to admire my precious little babies. Oooohhh how adorable they were when someone else was managing all the details! I noted Nathan's sweet baby smell, the strength of his little grasp, his impressive concentration, his precious little cheeks. I noted Kenna's beautiful eyes, her amazing little grin, her petite features, her dainty mannerisms. Each time I came by to see them I was taken by their beauty, by the miracle that they are here with us. I just wanted to hold them, love them, cherish them. It's not that I wasn't in love with them before, it's just that I didn't have time to think about it. My parents left yesterday and I have a renewed energy that I hope will last for a while. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to regain the bigger perspective for a bit.
I've also been thinking about what an amazing gift J gave us. When someone can be credited for bringing lives into the world that otherwise would not have existed, they can truly be credited with changing the world. It's not just about our lives - if Nathan and Kenna are blessed to live full, healthy lives, they will have the opportunity to change other people's lives themselves, have children of their own, and change the world in their own way. It's a perpetual gift. I'm blown away by the magnitude of what J and other surrogates do to change people's lives. It is so grand a gift that honestly, sometimes it feels like a burden; I feel indebted in an insurmountable way. I wish more than anything there was something that would be an adequate way of saying thank you, or a gift in kind. There is nothing like that. I am reminded of that fact all the time. Standing "back" and looking at Nathan and Kenna from a slight distance this week, I'm just struck by how J changed our lives in ways that can never, ever be repaid. We have absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing, gifts from God...and J...in our lives.
***
As far as baby news, here's what has been going on:
--I have stashed all the newborn size clothes and both babies are wearing 3 months!
--About a week ago the babies had their 2 month checkup and vaccinations. Nathan weighed 11 lbs 5 oz and Kenna weighed 10 lbs 3 oz! They are both almost exactly at the 50th percentile for height and weight (for full term babies at this point)! Kenna's head is in the 30th percentile - she has a very petite and dainty face. :) Neither baby had any reaction at all to the vaccines (other than screaming during the actual shots).
--Kenna's time finally came to start smiling regularly. This week, coinciding with grandma and grandpa's first visit, brought smile after smile. Both she and Nathan loved my parents. Nathan was just one big smile all week. Kenna still doesn't smile as much as Nathan, but this was really her first week of consistent smiles and it was so sweet. Both babies usually greet me with a smile first thing in the morning.
--Both babies track objects really well with their eyes - they will follow 180 degrees both ways.
--Our last feeding is at 10 pm (still on the same schedule) and we have been letting the babies wake up naturally after that, then putting them in the swing for the rest of the night until 7 am. They have been waking up later and later, which is the goal (we don't want to have to do any swing time!), and last night made it to 5:30. We've decided to train them out of the swings now and started letting them "cry it out" as of this morning. They pretty much cried from 5:30 to 6:30 then slept until 7. Not bad - the books say they usually cry at least 2 hours the first time you do that! I'm also working on putting them down for naps without the swing first.
--Nathan lifts his head really well off the ground, though he doesn't like tummy time very much. Kenna doesn't show much interest in lifting off the ground. Her neck is pretty strong if you sit her upright, so hopefully she'll get more interested in tummy time soon.
That's all for now!
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